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hey errybaddy!! damn...havent wrote in this thang in FOREVER!! 4 EVER!! haha...damn...but yeah...i guess i have been busy with a lot of things...but yeah...its APRIL!! my month!! ye hay!!! hahah...oh yeah!! HAPPY BELATED BIRFDAY TO MY DANDYFULL AND BEAUTIFUL FRIEND LEA MELANI ABELLO! and its my birthday in 2 weeks!! ye hay!!! imma be 14!! woo hoo!! you kno wut i want for mah bday...i want green high top chucks...lil pet turtles [(hehe)]...and to have my family all together again.....but then i kno the last wish wont come tru...o wellz...but yeah...i hope i have a good birthdya this year...cuz for the past 4 or 3 years my birfdays sucked so much ass!! i juss want this one to be different you kno....buh im juss wishin you kno...[(sigh)]...but yeah..anywayz...today im goin to the STEP SHOW!! woo hoo!! cant wait!! but yeah...i think imma go now...gonna go soon!! gotta get ready!! yup yup!! love ya alls!! buh bye!

YAY!! IM SOOO HAPPY!! I MADE STOMPERS!! YE HAY!!! AND IM ON SPRING BREAK!!

But damn...i think my spring break is not gonna go how i wanted it to be...but oh wailz...at least theres no school!! but dang...yesterday was soo funny!! haha cuz hokay hurrs the story...

hokay..my sister told me on saturday that i was gonna go with her to my cousins house early in the morning so i believedher and said hokay and then the next day she woke me up hella early and told me to get ready to go to my cousin's house but then she said no nevermind juss go back to sleep...so i was like okay..? but i couldnt go back to sleep so i called my baby..AJ... and i was talkin to him until the doorbell rang and so i hung up and went to the door and guess who it was... IT WAS THE STOMPER TEAM and they were freakin videotaping me in my pajamas!! my sister was lying to me that i was going to go to my cousins house...the stomper people were going to my house and going to kidnapp me in my pajama's and take me to MS. Woods house to eat breakfast!..they told me that i made stompers and i was hella happy!! and i am soo glad that 2 of my good friends made it...Ke'ala and Kristen..yay!!! im soo happy!! but then again..im not..like soo many things ahve been going wrong in my family right now..like my mom, dad, and my older sister melissa got in a fight and now everything has changed..like my sister moved out of our house and will never come back...my mom cant sleep upstairs wit my dad anymore she has to sleep on the couch downstairs...and i barely see my dad no more...the last time i saw him since today was last thursday before i went to stompers practice..everything is jus different now..[(sigh)]...i juss dont know what to do no more...i mean like i try and be happy and kinder sorter i am...i am happy that i got into stompers...im happy i still have my friends...and im happy that i still have my boyfriend AJ in my life and that he is still lovin me...be then again..im not happy roo because of my whole family...but ill try and be happy and show it but i know i wont be happy inside..i juss have to concentrate on everything around me now...and try and make everyone around me happy...i dont kno...[(sigh..)}...well i think imma go now..kinda tired...so yeah...love yah all!! take kurrs!!

hey everyone..damn...been a stressfull day and going to be a stressfull week...damn..hokay...tomarrow through friday i am practicing for stompers and then on saturday i have to tryout...man...i hope i make it cuz i really want to be in it!! but yeah...for the past month or so ive been hella depressed..stressed..frustrated..soo many things!! ive been crying like everyday for the past month..juss soo many things that were on my mind and what was going through my life...i juss didnt know what to do!! all that was on my mind was that i didnt wantto be hurr anymore..that there was no need in me hurr like no one wouldcare if i even left....but now...i guess some of my problems have worked out but not all...there is juss some things i have to work out..but other than that...im juss pretty dandyfull huh lea hahah...but yeah...oOooo yeah...i fergot to say....

HAPPY 23RD ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!! I LOVE YOU!!

EST'D MARCH 22, 1981...

 hokay..but yeah...it was pretty kool today...it was my parents anniversay and i did a lil hula for them..perdy good i guess...i did it to their wedding song...hawaiian wedding song... sho kyoot sho kyoot...that song is a perdy nice wedding song too!! its soo romantic hahah..but yeah...my sisters and my brother and me took pictures for myparents anniversary..soo perdy..but yeah ill post them up another time..oOoh..speaking of pictures..me and kristeng took pictures again!! yay!! the last time we took pictures together juss us 2 was like ..hhmm...a year ago..like during the summer before 8th grade!! yeah!! damn..hella long time! but yeah..ill post those up later too..but the pictures i took with Ms. crazee gurl was one of the best pictures ive taken yet!! they are juss like whoa!! haha yeah..anwayz.....school has been okay..not good but not bad either..its juss eEhh..OoOOh yeah!! spring break baby!! woo hoo!! in 4 days we are going to be on spring break!!hell yeah!! but i think imma be busy on spring break too..with a lab that would be due when i get back to school and i have to work on a hula that ke'ala has to teach me for my sisters Miss San Quintin  pageant..oo speaking of my sisters pageant thingy...my sister is being crowned queen at this pageant and yea hurrs the info..

On May 29th, 2004 Melissa Anne Balanza (my sister) is being crowned Miss San Quintin at the Hiltin Hotel in Mission Valley at 6:00 pm. This is a formal event and the tickets for the dinner is $40 and there will be performances, food, and plenty of dancing! so i hope you can come andjointhis special event!

yeah..thass it...i will be performing 2 hula's for my sister and i think culture shock will be performing for my sister so if you guys want to see them then you guys should come! haha...but yeah..the dress i picked to wear for my sisters thang is shoo perdy!! it looks like a princess's dress!!! i like it a lot!! haha..but yeah..me and AJ have been pretty good..he makes me soo happy!! woo..whenever i think of him i juss get this smile on my face and i juss cant stop smilin i miss him soo much right now [(sigh..)] i love you!  ....i think imma go now..gettin tired and got school..so yeah...take cares!! love ya!! bye!

hey everyone...damn...havent wrote in this thang in forever! man...so many shit has been going through mah life right now...like you dont even kno..been stressin...so much drama...parents..damn...i dont even know what to do anymore...i have lost so many things in these past weeks....well actually a day ago...well like i think i lost my parents trust in me....i lost my boyfriend that i still hella care for and love...all that has been takin away from me....both of the things i love all gone...down the drain...i dont know what to do...well okay...
___*To my Love ..AJ Martin...

i know i may have hurt you and i am really sorry...its juss that i didnt have a choice...i couldnt hide anything from my parents anymore and i dont want to lie to them and make them think worse of me....but even though ur gone you are always on my mind and alway in my heart...my feelings for you will never go away because you were one of the best boyfriends i ever had....you made me happy, always brought me up when i was down, did everything you could to be a good boyfriend and you accomplished that...there is no guy like you out there and there will never be one....i will never ever ferget about you and even though u think i will get over you hella fast...you are hella wrong...it will take me awhile to get over this boy right hurr...and i am hurt that the fact you cant talk to me as a friend and that u will be hurt if u talk to me not as a gurlfriend....and it hurts that you arent mine anymore...but u have to accept that the fact that that wasnt my decison to seperate from you...i never ever wanted to break up with you its juss that my parents are forcing me too and also my sister and maybe my whole family and i didnt want them to think another way about me...i really want to start over...i want to start off like before...meet you over again...be like how we were before and you never know one thing could lead to another and poof...it could happen again...buh you will never know...the only thing im saying is that i love you soo much and that love for you will always stick with me...and i hope that you could accept being juss a friend with me...and if u cant then i could understand...id rather have you as a part of my life as a friend than not in my life at all...so thats all i gotta say..  i will always love you and i'll miss you...

well...thats all i gotta say now...accept one thing...i am sorry everyone for putting you through this...i am sorry to my parents..boyfriend...friends..family...everyone for being soo stubborn and selfish and not thinking...i dont know what to say about my self now...i juss feel like i put everyone down and make their lives more harde...man......i gotta hella think now...this will never get out of my head...why do things always happen to me...just for one i want to go outside and look at the stars and just think about my life...or just flat out think of everything thats going through my life right now...family...friends....boyfriends...school....my future....juss everything about me....i think imma do that now...and maybe cry....never know..bye peoples...take kurrs